Crawling to Clarity

After two decades of helping individuals change their mindset, I thought I was past the point of getting stuck myself. I had the tools, and I knew the signs.

I was wrong.

The reveal took place on the steep slope leading to the Shiroyama Observatory, where we could see the sweeping view of Mount Ontake and the Nishino-Shimomukai settlement. When it was time to descend, I chose to climb down backwards on all fours as I was afraid of falling off the slope. At the speed I was going, it would have taken me until Christmas (It was 9 June.)

Mike, a retired firefighter in our tour group, decided to help me speed things up.

His first instruction was, “Try standing up”, to which I instinctively replied, “I can’t!”. At that moment, I did a double take:

I had rejected the possibility of standing without even trying! That blind resistance was something I had spent years helping others overcome, and yet I had fallen straight into it.

I decided I would at least try to stand. One thing led to another. I held onto Mike’s backpack, then his hand, and step by step, I made it down the slope.

That was the most pivotal moment of the trip. For once, I was no longer the teacher standing outside the struggle. I was in it; caught in the fear, the anxiety, and the irrational resistance I had seen in so many others.

What surprised me was how quickly I defaulted to a familiar response. I had said “I can’t” without even testing the possibility. It was only when I paused and stepped back mentally that I realised what had happened.

The experience reminded me that even with all the tools and experience, it’s easy to slip into automatic patterns. Before we insist something isn’t possible, it’s worth checking the rearview mirror. Is the fear actually grounded, or is it a default response?

Photos taken by me at the Shiroyama Observatory

View of the Nishino-Shimomukai settlement where we would spend the night

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