Chapter 5: Choosing Blessings Over Blame

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, my mother’s initial instinct was to figure out what went wrong and who should be blamed for it.

“Maybe it’s because you worked too hard,” she said.

She began tracing through the events in my life, piecing together moments where she thought things could have gone differently.

Could it have been my job?

My lifestyle?

Or even her actions as a parent?

Blame is how many of us cope with the unknown. It is our way of making sense of something that we cannot grasp.

But I did not see my cancer that way.

Gratitude in the Face of Fear

Instead of trying to figure out “why”, I was just grateful.

Although the cancer had reached my lymph nodes, I was grateful that my cancer had not spread to the rest of my body.

Although I had to endure surgery, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy, I was grateful that my prognosis was strong, with a high likelihood of recovery.

While it was a long road ahead, I felt grateful for early detection and for the fact that I still had a fighting chance.

Strength in Carrying Less

Blame is like a weight that keeps us stuck in the past, replaying moments we cannot change. On the other hand, gratitude shifts the focus forward because it helps us see what we have, instead of what we have lost.

Although gratitude does not take away the burden entirely, it makes it lighter. Blame, on the other hand, only makes it heavier. Strength comes not from carrying more, but from learning to carry less.